Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Have u ever feel like you're being cast to aside and everything just falls on you.
by that, you instantly feel so burden and nobody else in your family would wanna give u a helping hand?

Well..the moment he said that blardy sentence, I feel it.
I feel as if he trying to push his role as a husband to me, i feel as if i have to be a multi-tasker in this family.
my mum feeling unloved and the blames are on the children..what about the husband?
after the family have kids, a mother seems to focus on the kids instead of the husband and somehow,
the relationship btw husband and wife would start to crack?
is that true?

Is it true that there's chances for kids to get into the way of building a healthy relationship?
I wonder...
I wonder why would they becoming like this..
ever since i was 9, i have to the medium of my parents to communicate, i gotta listen to my mum
whine about my dad,
listen to my dad whine about my mum...
all these are not healthy for a 9 yrs old kid..however, i took it
nvm...it was not that bad...
until, i have a more mature brain and i know about the issues, i tried to speak out and
ask them to talk it out or perhaps try to solve by not involving the kids...
however, it didn't work, for them...they sorta give up to try and build a healthier family..

their excuse is like, no use one...ur dad is like that..
and as for my dad, he would say...since dunno when, ur mum changed to be like this..

and my dad even said sth like : he don't feel like goin home as my mum nagging bother him till he can't take it.
well..i thought only youngster like me will say that when i'm giving excuse of not goin hom earlier..
but it did come out from my dad...
how would u feel??
even my dad don't feel like goin hom, yet he wanna set me a curfew...
from minor stuffs that he restrict me and requested me to do..actually is a must to do i shud say.
whatever he asked, i can't say no.
but wtv he promised, he often failed it..

last nite, i said no to him..
he felt so down and saying things like he not gonna bother bout me if i said that..
he claimed that i put my stuffs other than family as my first priority...he assume this and that,
nvr give a chance to speak to us...
we never have propper heart to heart conversation..
why would it be??
all thanks to his not willing to accept..and thought tat if we follow wtv he asked to do is 100% safe
and correct..
he's very firm with his point of view and refuse to accept what we think.

he keep pushing and i keep feeling my space is limited..
all i feel is pressure..not those pressure that my superior has given me, not those pressure that will make people insomniac.
but the pressure that i have to face the fact that I can never save them from this situation..pressure
that my family will always be communicating in a way of lacking love. also pressure that
i actually have to be into a few roles in my family.
now i realized that..

In turn, I also forget the way of saying I Love You to them...
I started to forget how to show that I DO CARE.

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