Monday, June 20, 2011

Part of my life.

Have you ever feeling worthless as a member in ur family?

no matter how much u try to do, they just can't see it..or mayb they just think that
u're supposed to do those while the others are not suppose to.

It sucks u know!!!
everyone can sense that "bias" is happening on me and certainly i know it's since i was like 10?
I can totally feel how she feel about me and how she treating me...
but i don't know why until all these years, she is still the same..

i seem to be da most worthless among all even though i try to do my studies and everything best..
well..i can say i'm the only one that doesn't need them to have the extra burden on worrying...

I just know how to plan for myself and try to experience life..but in this circle..i'm more like a one is sharing my feeling in this circle...all i do is just nothing and i memang have the obligation to do it while the others can just sweet talks out of it...

It just making me to hate myself for being such a person, a person that i can't have it all...
im thankful that my life is still good and im happy both of my parents are with me and staying
under the same roof.

All these will never be complete if you rarely feel love from the one u really care about and really love...
instead of love, I feel the sense of picking on..and unfairness more!
why is it happening to me?

Is it I having problem? or whatever I do they dont like?
i just cant help but to think if myself having problems with them..
it's just so sucky...feeling bias everywhr..everyday everytime...

Especially after this stupid internship started..
i tot i've finally worked like really working they will just give me more space and be understanding...
hell..the thing i get is getting nag the moment i back from work till i go out @ night..or till i facing my comp with my ear phone!

It's not fun and i just can't stand it...has been years im facing these stupid issues!!

I duan to be a bitch to complain and being " take things for graanted" but im feeeling myself
being so worthless..she just make me feel bad bout myself...

Ahh....i just wanna screeaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Father's day.

It's so quick that it has come to june for 2011, and yeah FATHERS DAY!!!

I was home really late last night so do my brothers, so basically, there were no ppl in my hse except my poor lil dad.

I guess he was upset and feel kinda down bcoz his children are not by his side even it's on father's day.
it makes me feel really bad but i just cant have the guts and walk in to his room and talk to him..

i wonder why i just can't. I guess i was afraid that he would sound me for being home such late? or i don't know..

This one thing, i rarely express love to my family especially my dad as he is always looking strict and we just so not used to say we love each other or give each other a kiss...

I just feel awkward for doing so. therefore, i just can't really say sweet stuffs to him like happy b'day, happy fathers day or even i love you thou...

never i guess..i doubt i've ever said those greeting to him..

which i think it's quite bad...
we do celebrate give presents and all but we don't say out the love within. well, i used to write to him or make a card for him or so but as i grow up, i just stopped doing so already..
feeling it's getting more shy to do it.

My godsis says we should really start showing the love before it's too late and all, i want to too but it just seems so hard...
it's making me to be a bad person and all..and it's really bad indeed.

I wonder how should I do it, just cast away my egoness and do it?

is there any ways to make it easier?
it is so sad for myself..ahahha

it's no doubt that my dad is always feeling insecure and thinking that his children are gonna
leave him alone when he's old.

but it comes frm a reason, which he rarely @ home and show his love to us when we communicate.
A ego man is really hard to deal with sometimes...

So much of father's day but i cant actually wish my dad in person...sighs.

Such a useless daughter! =/
Well...hope i would have a great one with my dad later on..
Happy Father's day peep (:

[Get This]